So I had this friend.
She referred to me as her “best friend”. I haven’t had her in my life since my Ethan died because she wasn’t there when I needed her most.
Anyone can tell you that I don’t take disappointment well, it’s crushing to me and more often than not, unforgivable.
For days, I watched my son struggle to catch a breath and then succumb to his brain cancer. Not one phone call from her, not even a visit after the fact nor an appearance at the funeral, but I was her best friend.
My other childhood best friend flew in from Delaware to be at my side. My ex-fiancé, Travis drove all night to get to me, from North Carolina. Military brothers and sisters, that I had never met, came from different states to be at my side. The Commandant of the Marine Corps called me to offer his sympathies. Metal of Honor recipient, Dakota Meyer, called me and even came to see me later that year. Still, nothing from her, but I was her best friend.
She kept emailing trying to offer excuses and deflect the blame to me because, for her, I was supposed to ask her to come. I was supposed to give her the details of my son’s condition because that would tell her I needed her, but I was her best friend.
The general public, around the world, was watching his battle and many reached out because they knew I needed someone. I hadn’t even spoken to my own brother in months but he showed up. A young mother, drove two hours from Brandon, to bring me a cup of coffee and sat at my side as I watched my son die; leaving her own little one at home, battling brain cancer. Another mother had just lost her own son to brain cancer months before, but she still nothing from her. No phone call, text message, email, semaphore or anything, but I was her best friend.
When my son died, I found my tribe. Total strangers dropped everything when I needed them most. I didn’t have to ask them to be there, they just showed up. Before then, they didn’t know me or call me “friend” or “best friend”. They just came out of love for a woman forced to watch the life be sucked out of her littlest child. They came out of love for the woman who just buried her son even before he had the chance to live.
Don’t call me your best friend. I’m not. The truth is, you have no idea what that means. I forgive you but I don’t need you in my life, I don’t want you in my life. I’m not angry anymore. I’m just different now.
My life is good, as good as it is going to get knowing I will wake up every day without my boy for the rest of my life. My life is good because of those that did show up.
Stay your course, Friend, for its path does not lead to my door.
