Healed Adventure #2023-2:

The Ociffer was a narcissist. To survive him, I had to do the work. For these past four, very long years, I've picked up piece after piece. I've been lazer-focused on rebuilding myself emotionally, financially and physically. To say that he drained me of everything is no embellishment.

Early this year, I met the most beautiful of souls. He wasn't where I was in healing, but I wasn't ready to offer more than baby steps anyway. It was my first attempt at anything like a relationship, since the Ociffer, and I wanted to make healthy choices to honor my progress. I had spent a lot of energy breaking family curses and healing old traumas.

It was encouraging to have someone that communicated. We had some really in depth conversations. However, on our 3rd or 4th date, he told me that I intimidated him. 😲 He felt that I had conquered nearly everything in my life and said that it was frightening. It wasn't true, of course. I hadn't defeated the world. I just learned not to trauma dump. 🤷‍♀️

I grew quite fond of him, but the gods hadn't put him where I was and things ended a few months later. It was the first time that I had some semblance of a healthy relationship, so it stung. 🥺 Even though his "exit stage left", left a little be desired, it wasn't anything I could frown upon.

Fast forward to earlier this month, I heeded the advice of friends (and my therapist) and decided to try again. I met another veteran. He was retired from the Army, and was now a business professional. Single dad, focused on career and family. Let's see how it goes, right? 🤞

We go to dinner, talk about our time in service, our careers and our family. Then, there it is, the slight of hand. He throws out the idea of sex - as an outlet for PTSD. 😆 My healed self hears it and breezes right past it, bringing up the Wolverines game the following day.

He takes the hint and moves on. Nice. He orders a Johnny Walker Blue, his 4th drink and we talk football. 🏈 Yes, I was counting. I'm sober, a fact I shared up front. He mentions that he has a clothing line, another of many commonalities. A glimmer of light. I own my own store as well. At that point, I think the risky whiskey hit him. He looks at me and asks if I want to go to his house to try on some leggings. 😆 The healed me spoke up once more. This time, I delivered a crisp no. He asked why, to which I replied, "No is a complete sentence." The date ends shortly after that. Ok, whatever. 😎

I was pretty sure it would end there, but he reached out the next day and the "courtship" continued. I didn't fault him. I remember being amorous when I was drinking too 😈, and I did look fabulous that night. 🔥 I just have no desire to participate in hook-up culture. I want the rest of someone's life, not the rest of his night.

I left for Vegas to see my cousin and join a Silkies Hike the next weekend. I made sure he knew I was going and that I'd be alone. A respect I hadn't readily offered in previous relationships. I had always just expected blind trust (without offering it myself). 🤪

There, in Sin City, is where "Healed Heidi" struck again. On meeting, I told him I prefer phone calls but he insisted on texting. Okay. 👌For me, I'm going to ensure that the personal vibe is apparent. I'm not sure he was receptive because he hasn't responded since.

Alas, here we are, "courtship" over and the culmination of my adventure. Maybe there was something to the way Mikey felt back then. Reading over my texts, while away on my trip, it’s obvious to me now. I have to admit, I’m pretty proud of my personal growth. ❤️ I’m getting closer to being the partner I’d want someone to be.